Love Notes

I have two friends, one Virgo and one Libra, that I frequently refer to as the little angel and little devil on my shoulders (though they have a habit of swapping places).  They are my very closest and longest lasting friendships, close enough to call sisters.  I don't know what it is… something about those September girls.  

Now, one of my sisters loves Valentine's Day so much that she swoons at the mere mention of it.  She is in love with love.  The other, however, hates, hates, hates it.  In her mind, it's a sell-out ridiculous holiday, primarily celebrated to keep Hallmark in the black.  (I dare you to guess which one is which, based only on their signs. ;)  I can see her point.  I can see both of their points, actually, which is why I'm always the middle child.  And so, much to the wistful joy of the one, and the undoubted chagrin of the other, I have decided to go ahead and buy into this Hallmark holiday, and do a little blog in honor of Valentine's Day.  This is not the kind of thing I would normally do.  I've never been much of a girly-girl.  But I am sentimental, and more of a romantic at heart than I sometimes like to admit.  So, I figured, what the hell?  I've gone through my share of love and heartache, and I've learned a few things.  Here's what I know.

Care and Feeding of Your Love Life:

1.    Be honest.  I have learned this the hard way.  Lies of any kind, on any level, breed mistrust in relationships and will keep you from ever having the truly connected, truly transcendent relationship that most all of us are really looking for.  If you want to be close and you want something real, you have to be naked, at least mentally and emotionally (though the physical kind doesn't hurt).  ;)

2.    Know yourself.  You cannot be truly honest and truly yourself if you don't know yourself.  Get in touch with you before even attempting to get in touch with another.  If you're already in a relationship, take some time on a regular basis to spend with yourself.  Journal, do something creative, or take yourself out.  Whatever you do, do not let yourself get out of touch with who you are, your desires, your fears, your principles.  You are the most important relationship you have.  And the more you know yourself, the better you can communicate who you are to your partner.  If your partner doesn't know you, he or she can never really love you.

3.    Communicate with your partner.  This may seem like a 'duh' point, but so many working couples lose touch with each other, "like ships passing in the night," as they say.  That's when things start to fall apart.  On a very regular basis, you must touch base and reconnect with your significant other.  You have to take time to talk about life, where you've been, where you are, and where you're going.  If you're going to be in a relationship, you must be in your relationship.

4.    Be a good listener.  Again, not always as easy as it sounds.  When your partner is talking, it is imperative that you give them your full attention, or let them know you're distracted with whatever right now and when you'll be able to really focus on what they've got to say.  This, of course, goes back to communication and honesty, but just because you can talk doesn't mean you know how to listen.  Make sure you're putting just as much effort into both.

5.    Be passionate.  At every stage of a relationship, whether it's just getting to know each other, seriously dating, or 30 years into your marriage, showing your beloved how and why they spark up your life is essential.  What do you love about them?  What attracts you to them?  What about this person sends shivers down your spine and makes you never want to let go?  Share it, show it, never let them forget it.

Before I leave you (you thought it was over, didn't you?), in true firespark fashion, I feel compelled to share with you some of my favorite romantic books.  Most of these are not listed in the 'romance' section, as that's a genre I generally avoid.  They do, however, portray my idea of love; a soaring, powerful, complicated thing that many believe makes the world go round.

The Bridge Across Forever by Richard Bach:    I read this book the year I met my Virgo sister, and have never, ever forgotten it.  Some books just don't fade.  This story is one of them.  This is a romance, in the truest sense.  It is about connection, how difficult it is to let your guard down, and the absolutely amazing things that can happen when you finally do.  If you didn't believe in fate before, you will after reading this.

The Sugar Queen by Sarah Addison Allen:  I just read this one a couple of weeks ago.  This is a book about love, friendship, magic and being true to your self.  The friendship between Chloe and the main character, Josey, reminded me so strongly of my relationship with my Libra sister that it was almost spooky.  It takes place in a small resort town in North Carolina in winter.  Josey is in love with her mailman and never leaves the house except to run her mother's errands.  This is her transformation into herself.  This is truly a Phoenix tale.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling:    Ok, you know I'm a Potter fan (or you should by now), so stop groaning.  I had to recommend one at some point.  This, of course, is the big 'romance' volume (though, of course, it is so much more than that).  But, if you haven't read the rest of the series, don't even think about starting here!  I've just got two comments on this one.  First, that kiss!  And second, this was the end of the "shipper wars" (do feel free to google the term if you're in the dark here), and it turned out just the way it was supposed to.

Bag of Bones by Stephen King:    Yes, a Stephen King book.  Yes, it's a horror novel.  Yes, there are some seriously disturbing elements in this story.  BUT it is also a romance.  I wouldn't steer you wrong.  This is a story about a widower haunted by the ghost of his wife.  It is beautiful.  It is painful.  It is ethereal.  If you like a little chill with your romance, this is the book for you.  It's an addictive read.  This book made me fall in love with Stephen King (after not having read his work for some years) all over again.
  

Lisey's Story by Stephen King:    This story, although not technically related, is the virtual flip side of Bag of Bones.  Lisey's Story is told from the perspective of the widow.  The writer is dead, and his wife is picking up the pieces of their life.  Here again we deal with the hereafter, and the strength of love that goes beyond the grave.  This story is intimate and powerful and, at times, brutally honest.  This is marriage at its most intuitive.

Shameless Plug for a Friend!

I know it's been awhile since I've had a full-length post, and I promise to post one soon, but I just found out something I have to share!  Janie Franz, a dear friend and sometimes surrogate mother of mine, has been interviewed regarding her very first published piece of fiction (though she's published quite a bit of non-fiction).  She is apparently going on a 2-month virtual book tour, and this was her first stop.  Her new e-book, The Bowdancer, can be purchased from Breathless Press here:

http://www.breathlesspress.com/erotic/catalogsearch/result/?q=bowdancer&x=0&y=0

A word to my 'younger' readers - Breathless Press, as you can imagine, does publish some explicit material, so I cannot vouch for the content of everything on their site.  While The Bowdancer does have romance in it, I'm not sure I would consider it explicit, but use your best judgment.  And don't download anything you'd get in trouble for.  There.  That's my disclaimer.

And the interview (which I feel a mad urge to have a drumroll for) is posted on this blog, Barbara's Meanderings:

http://barbaraehrentreu.blogspot.com/

Janie is a freelance writer, slinging words for a living, and I am (if you never guessed) all about showing my fellow writers some love! 

Cheers, Janie!  I'm so thrilled that I'm almost dancing! 

In My Virtual Travels

I have been in awe of the creative beauty I've come across lately.  There seems to be a sort of hush over us all, something contemplative and reverent.  There also seems to be a lot of pain, the unavoidable kind that comes with transitions that you didn't ask for.  I want to share with you what I've found... what I've been so moved by that telling you about it just won't do.  You have to see for yourself. 

Milkmoon - a blog that was listed as a "Blog of Note" that has charmed me many times over.  This post, "Upon Seeing a Dear Friend" put tears in my eyes.

http://milk-moon.blogspot.com/2010/01/upon-seeing-dear-friend.html

Neil Gaiman's Journal - Mr. Gaiman shares the passing of his feline friend, Zoe.  I've put a link to his whole Journal, rather than one post, because this is a story told over several posts.  The most recent post isn't about Zoe exactly, but the last 3 or 4 were.  I haven't had the courage to read them all.  It's too sad.  And so painfully, beautifully written (what I've had the guts to read, that is). 

http://journal.neilgaiman.com/

It's Creative Writing - one of my hands down favorite blogs.  Molly has two blogs and I love them both.  But this poem stopped my breath.  It's been running around in my head for two days now, seeming to fit so many people and so many situations that it seems to have been written for now.

http://crappystoriesforthesoul.blogspot.com/2010/01/on-empty-street-i-run.html

The Hermitage - another I found as a "Blog of Note" around the same time I found Milkmoon.  I am in love with the whimsy and wandering spirit of Rima.  This post indicates she is going through a hard and lonely transition.  And though I don't know her at all, I wish her all the best.  When the words come out this true, it's hard not to feel a kinship.

http://intothehermitage.blogspot.com/2010/01/melted-snow.html

The Dark Tower, At Last

   I wrote this in the wee morning hours this past Sunday.  But due to some technical difficulties and life hinderances, I am only now able to post.  I hope this finds you well.

I FINISHED IT!

Yes, it's true, friends.  I have come to the end of the gunslinger's long journey, the completion of Stephen King's magnum opus, and I am here to make my report.  You'll get no spoilers from me, however.  Nay, never in life, for I would not be the one to ruin or lessen the experience for those who have not yet traveled this path.  I myself had the opportunity to walk through this world innocent, never knowing what lie over the next hill.  And I would have you do the same, for that, I believe, would be the author's wish.  Let him tell it on his terms.

What I will give you instead are my impressions, though they may be vague.  Think of this as a diary entry written by one who, though compelled to record their experiences, is paranoid that the diary itself may slip into the wrong hands.

The Dark Tower, the final installment of Stephen King's Dark Tower series, is, of course, beautiful and terrible and, at times, nearly unbearable.  There came a point (two points, actually, now that I think of it) when I had to put it down.  I had to take a break for a day (and once for two) because I was so shattered and so (let's admit it) depressed that I didn't know if I could go on.  But of course, I did go on.  Like the gunslinger, I was too close.  I had to see this through to the end.  And I can tell you, bittersweet though it may be, it is well worth it.  There is joy here, and a terrifying twist of fate that made me shudder.  (I think my exact words, muttered under my breath in hushed, horrified tones, were, "No f-ing way…")  But it is brilliance all the same, a true masterpiece.  And it is perfect.

The personal touches, by the way, sai King… you said you hoped they weren't pretentious.  They weren't, though I must admit I was a mite scared of that when they first came up.  But, of course, and as always, you didn't disappoint.  And we, your "constant readers", we all say thankya.  Truly, for this epic tale is worth every last syllable.

As a quick side note, I have a friend who got snagged at the end of Wizard and Glass (Vol. IV, ya ken).  There was some oddity there she couldn't get past and so never picked up the Fifth (Wolves of the Calla).  I would urge this friend (and any of you that may have a similar problem) to go on.  The journey deepens and, in some respects, gets wilder still.  But hang in there.  There are places to see and people to meet and experiences I wouldn't have you miss for all the worlds.  (See Jake Chambers vs. a New York taxi cab.  It is worthy.)

All in all, this is an addictive and powerful series, seemingly infused with a living, breathing soul of the kind that makes really, really good fiction what it is.  There are many twists and turns and backtracks along the way.  But what may seem random at first finds its way to its purpose and becomes so crucial to the story that, by the end, you can't see how it could have been told without it.

The characters in The Dark Tower are like dear friends to me now, and I am sad to see it end.  But I suppose it's time to move on.  Get out of Stephen King's glammer for awhile.  Oh, there is still much more of King's world that I have yet to explore.  Under the Dome, for instance, which I bought as soon as it came out and which sits unopened (aside from the teensiest peek at the inside dust jacket, just to see what it might be about… it is tantalizingly blank, adding almost irresistible mystery to the novel) on my computer desk.  And I've never read Cujo or Needful Things.  (And what kind of King fan hasn't read Cujo?)  But, alas, I must put these off for a little while longer.  I believe even Master King would agree that too limited a reading diet isn't good for the writer's mind.  I have some other tales waiting for me, spun by other wordslingers.  Perhaps The Sugar Queen by Sarah Addison Allen, which I bought on a whim.  Or that YA novel which intrigued me… Unwind by Neal Shusterman.  Whatever I choose, it's time to go out and try something new.

As the boy said, there are other worlds than these.

Taking Your Comments

It appears there were some technical difficulties when people tried to post comments to my blog.  I am here to assure you that all is now well.  You can now comment on my rambling madness to your heart's content and it will actually post.  Just give me a minute (or a day or so – I've gotta' go spark-hunting some time) for me to review it.  As long as whatever you've got to say isn't too offensive (you know Blogger's rules – we all have to abide by them), I'm sure I'll post it.  And maybe even comment back.  Who knows?  Either way, the comments department (ha!) is back in business.  Welcome, one and all.