I know I'm about a week behind on this, but I never promised breaking news on this blog. It took me a few days to process, to feel myself get all mixed up between angry and horribly sad, to calm down, and to get angry all over again. I know this has been all over the news, the internet, everywhere... the suicide of Tyler Clementi. If this is old hat to you or too boring or painful or meaningless to you to listen to right now, that's okay. You can go and need not read further. But as long as you're here, I'll have my say, if it's all the same. And even if it isn't.
If you're one of the few people who haven't heard about this, I'll give you a very brief summary. Tyler Clementi, a 19 year old college student in his freshman year at Rutgers University, was made the brunt of a very cruel joke in which a couple of other students (his roommate and his roommate's friend) managed to record him having sex with a man on two different occasions. Tyler Clementi wasn't yet "out". These two students then posted these encounters on the internet, for the world to see. Tyler, who obviously did not have the strongest sense of self at the time, killed himself by jumping off the George Washington Bridge. You can read all the news stories online... there are tons. Here's a link to get you started, if you so desire.
Now, as I said, obviously this kid didn't have a lot of self esteem and may have even been dealing with identity issues, since he hadn't come out to his friends and family yet. I've read the arguments (and could've made them all myself in my sleep), and yes, I'm sure those two students didn't intend for Clementi to kill himself. And yes, of course he would've had to have been nursing a pretty fragile mental state in order to take that final step. But does that excuse the complete and total disregard for another person's sense of self worth and privacy that these two people exhibited? Aren't we, as supposedly sentient creatures, responsible for our actions? Responsible for thinking through the potential consequences before we act? They didn't just tease him, friends. This was no mild razzing, all in good fun. Let me repeat... THEY POSTED VIDEO ON THE INTERNET OF HIM HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER MAN .
Excuse me, but what about that does not scream sick and cruel? What the holy hell is wrong with people? Just because we have the internet, does that mean we have to use it to humiliate each other mercilessly? Of course, I shouldn't be shocked. It's what humans do; some humans, anyway. We use whatever means necessary to destroy each other.
Which brings me to my point... that I'll try to get out succinctly, even though all I want to do right now is scream and cuss and throw things.
We have a responsibility to each other and to the world around us. I know not everyone is taught that, but here in America, at least, there is very little excuse. They cover bullying in public school in, what, kindergarten? First grade? Then again in middle school? And again in high school in some places (although by then they call it "hazing")? So effing STOP IT already! Get over yourselves! Stop thinking the only way to have fun and feel good about yourself is to make someone else feel like crap! So what if you "didn't know" he would commit suicide? SO WHAT? You have no idea what another person is going through when you're slinging around your evil words and well-planned modes of degradation. You won't know how such a psychological attack is going to be received - how your target is going to deal with it, whether or not they're going to break. But you know it's going to hurt. Because, well, isn't that the point?
So, congratulations, bullies and jerks and ignorant, hateful people of the world! You broke another one! Are you proud? Can't you just feel the power? This one is broken beyond repair... indeed, beyond anyone's reach now. And yes, even if you didn't "mean to" -- you. are. responsible. Chew that up and swallow it and let this one final ultimate consequence teach you a lesson for once in your life. Because, just as I'm sure that the ones who do break, the ones who snap under the pressure and fall apart for good (because we all know we can't take it back now!), are short on self esteem and all out of strength, I am also certain that the hecklers and instigators have been building up their senses of self at the expense of others for a very long time. It takes practice and ingenuity and a whole lot of spite to pull off this kind of grand humiliation. This wasn't the first for these tormentors, I'm sure. This was only the biggest.
I can't talk about this much more. I am literally sick over the whole thing, and over the depths of cruelty to which humans will stoop to make themselves feel big. Here's the Ellen video. It's on Youtube, but in case you haven't seen it yet...
The last final question - the one we always ask in the end... our plea to all that is good and holy... why? Why.
There are a million answers, and none of them satisfy.
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