Having Been Away

Hello, friends!  I’m here, I’m here!  So sorry about the wind blustering in behind me… I have been in such a rush!  I’m back, however, here to assure you that I haven’t died or joined the circus or taken a vow of internet silence with the local monastery.  But I have been away, in so many ways, and there is a fair bit of catching up to do.

During the first week of August, I was out of town, visiting my Northern sister, who, incidentally, is also my oldest friend.  She’s one of my September girls, if you remember my mention of them in a previous post, and we’d been planning this trip for over a year.  This is our 20th year of friendship in this life, you see, and by the gods, we were going to celebrate!

Let me tell you a little story.

Once upon a time, I was the new girl in a small town in North Dakota.  I met a girl there in my literature class, a quiet figure with a porcelain face and a baby doll dress, who sat at a desk ahead of me in the next row, and who, for no reason that I can recall, turned around one day to smile at me.  I smiled back.

There are some people that, when you meet, the moment remains etched in your mind.  You may forget some minor details.  You may forget what day of the week it was, for example, or what you were wearing, but the moment, friends… that spark of a moment remains, as accessible as if it were something that happened just minutes ago, and if you could only take a single step back, you could be there again.  That was my meeting with Sarah.  Perhaps she felt it, too, because the way she turned to me, a stranger to her then, was as if I was someone, as if we already were a we.  And, I suppose, from that point on, we were.  Yes... sometimes things happen like this in real life.  At least, they have in mine.

As you can see, we haven’t lost touch in all of this time, even though I’ve traveled far and wide, she relocated to a Much Bigger Town, and I ended up living several states removed from where we met.  This, in itself, is a testament to the strength of our bond, and something to mark as sacred.

We had a fantastic time in August, she showing me around her world, taking me to where all of her favorite things reside, and dutifully watching copious amounts of Doctor Who (Sarah had promised Gingergirl that she’d have me hooked by the time she sent me home...  Mission accomplished, by the way).

Ever since then, I’ve been back in my where, with my people and pets, and have been reveling in the work that makes a house a home.  It’s fall now, you know, and the crisp air always makes me want to start nesting.  I’ve also been writing like a woman possessed and reading or listening (on audio book) to Potters 5 & 6 between the cracks.  We’re about to start on 7, come October 1st - Deathly Hallows… and then the movie in November.  I can hardly breathe for waiting.

We  have also just passed the birthday of my Libra sister, my other September girl.  I’ll tell her story on another day.  Maybe tomorrow.  We shall see.  

Rain Driving Zen

I wrote this one on Monday, when I had a little time to appreciate the day.

I'd also like to note that the photo on the left is from  http://www.flickr.com/photos/houseofsims/3544875574/in/photostream/ via Creative Commons.  I'm not much of a photographer, so nearly all of the images I use here are borrowed from this site.  Now, getting back to it...

It's a good morning.  Contemplative.  The kind of morning when your thoughts are clear (if a little groggy) and you settle into a nice Zen place of accepting who and where you are.

You wouldn't think you'd find much Zen on the morning of your first dentist's appointment in literally years.  But my appointment isn't until 10:00 and I had to have my son to school by 8:00-ish, so I planned to use this gap to write.  Of course, my "plan" was primarily to work on my fiction story.  But after dropping off my son and driving halfway across town, my thoughts wandered (as always) and I felt a blog coming on.

I thought about a friend of mine to whom I had loaned a relatively decent chunk of cash about a year ago when she was further down on her luck (and health) than anyone should ever be and was in danger of losing her lights.  Now, I say loan, but I wasn't married to that money and let it go mentally when I let it go physically.  I could have gone my whole life without giving those dollars another thought.  But then, a couple of days ago, there in my mailbox was an envelope… with a thank you card… and a check… a year after the fact.  But she never forgot it.  I have such amazing friends.

I took some side roads on my way to the coffee shop, roads I don't typically travel, just for a different perspective.  It's a rainy, overcast day, and it occurred to me, not for the first time, that this town looks best against a backdrop of grey.  Maybe every town does (Lord knows I've seen enough of them), or maybe it's just me.  Maybe I can only really appreciate it without the sun's distracting glare.  On a grey, rainy day there isn't the contrast of light and shadow.  Everything, the houses, the leafless trees, the evergreens, get an equal chance to show off what they've got.

I thought about these two cool kittens I've met via Blogger.  I figure they're almost two in cat years, but they've blown me away with their insights and raw human honesty in a way that you just don't see everywhere else.  And I thought about how this chance connection has made my whole world a little brighter, given me hope, shown me there are still people out there that care about something, that are true of heart and spirit.  It's renewed my belief in kismet and caused me to marvel at how people can come together from across thousands of miles, drawn only by ideas and expressions and the power of their words.

And I thought about myself, where I am right now.  In my Zen state, I was able to watch myself for a moment and assess the situation without too much emotional haze obscuring my view.  I am standing on a precipice, about to jump off, and hoping that when I do my wings will appear, and, if they don't, that I at least managed to throw a chute on my back to save me.  Or that maybe the bottom won't be sharp, wicked crystal shards after all, and only cotton and marshmallows to catch me.  That would be ok.  But things are changing so rapidly, and it seems they're only going up, up, up, so I've been a little scared to look down from here.  There's a Zen saying (while we're feeling Zenish) that goes, "Leap and the net will appear."  That seems right… but it's ponderous.

Driving clears my head like nothing else.  Those who know me personally will understand the significance, and why there are times when a car feels more like home to me than any immovable building.  The rest of you will have to take my word for it.  Or perhaps you'll start to understand through my stories.  But I will tell you that roads are my thinking places.  And that drive was like medicine.
  
So I finally made it to the coffee shop.  The barista made my coffee just right (hazelnut latte with extra hazelnut), and he even made a pretty little leaf in the foam.  They have new artwork on the walls (always local and always for sale) that was right up my alley; all richly colored with whimsical owls and fantastical creatures and exotic designs that made the place feel draped in gypsy light.  And though I didn't (couldn't) buy any, I breathed in all their colors and held them in my mind, just happy to know they exist.  So many things in life are like that.  You don't have to possess them to be enlivened by them.  You just have to know they exist, and that knowledge makes everything ok.

If you made it all the way here to the end of this little journey with me, I'd like to ask you a question, because I feel we've grown closer and I'd like to hear your thoughts.  You don't have to tell me, but I would be so delighted if you did.  What makes you happy to know it exists?  What fills you up, just knowing this reality allows for it to be?  I'm so very eager to know.

Love Notes

I have two friends, one Virgo and one Libra, that I frequently refer to as the little angel and little devil on my shoulders (though they have a habit of swapping places).  They are my very closest and longest lasting friendships, close enough to call sisters.  I don't know what it is… something about those September girls.  

Now, one of my sisters loves Valentine's Day so much that she swoons at the mere mention of it.  She is in love with love.  The other, however, hates, hates, hates it.  In her mind, it's a sell-out ridiculous holiday, primarily celebrated to keep Hallmark in the black.  (I dare you to guess which one is which, based only on their signs. ;)  I can see her point.  I can see both of their points, actually, which is why I'm always the middle child.  And so, much to the wistful joy of the one, and the undoubted chagrin of the other, I have decided to go ahead and buy into this Hallmark holiday, and do a little blog in honor of Valentine's Day.  This is not the kind of thing I would normally do.  I've never been much of a girly-girl.  But I am sentimental, and more of a romantic at heart than I sometimes like to admit.  So, I figured, what the hell?  I've gone through my share of love and heartache, and I've learned a few things.  Here's what I know.

Care and Feeding of Your Love Life:

1.    Be honest.  I have learned this the hard way.  Lies of any kind, on any level, breed mistrust in relationships and will keep you from ever having the truly connected, truly transcendent relationship that most all of us are really looking for.  If you want to be close and you want something real, you have to be naked, at least mentally and emotionally (though the physical kind doesn't hurt).  ;)

2.    Know yourself.  You cannot be truly honest and truly yourself if you don't know yourself.  Get in touch with you before even attempting to get in touch with another.  If you're already in a relationship, take some time on a regular basis to spend with yourself.  Journal, do something creative, or take yourself out.  Whatever you do, do not let yourself get out of touch with who you are, your desires, your fears, your principles.  You are the most important relationship you have.  And the more you know yourself, the better you can communicate who you are to your partner.  If your partner doesn't know you, he or she can never really love you.

3.    Communicate with your partner.  This may seem like a 'duh' point, but so many working couples lose touch with each other, "like ships passing in the night," as they say.  That's when things start to fall apart.  On a very regular basis, you must touch base and reconnect with your significant other.  You have to take time to talk about life, where you've been, where you are, and where you're going.  If you're going to be in a relationship, you must be in your relationship.

4.    Be a good listener.  Again, not always as easy as it sounds.  When your partner is talking, it is imperative that you give them your full attention, or let them know you're distracted with whatever right now and when you'll be able to really focus on what they've got to say.  This, of course, goes back to communication and honesty, but just because you can talk doesn't mean you know how to listen.  Make sure you're putting just as much effort into both.

5.    Be passionate.  At every stage of a relationship, whether it's just getting to know each other, seriously dating, or 30 years into your marriage, showing your beloved how and why they spark up your life is essential.  What do you love about them?  What attracts you to them?  What about this person sends shivers down your spine and makes you never want to let go?  Share it, show it, never let them forget it.

Before I leave you (you thought it was over, didn't you?), in true firespark fashion, I feel compelled to share with you some of my favorite romantic books.  Most of these are not listed in the 'romance' section, as that's a genre I generally avoid.  They do, however, portray my idea of love; a soaring, powerful, complicated thing that many believe makes the world go round.

The Bridge Across Forever by Richard Bach:    I read this book the year I met my Virgo sister, and have never, ever forgotten it.  Some books just don't fade.  This story is one of them.  This is a romance, in the truest sense.  It is about connection, how difficult it is to let your guard down, and the absolutely amazing things that can happen when you finally do.  If you didn't believe in fate before, you will after reading this.

The Sugar Queen by Sarah Addison Allen:  I just read this one a couple of weeks ago.  This is a book about love, friendship, magic and being true to your self.  The friendship between Chloe and the main character, Josey, reminded me so strongly of my relationship with my Libra sister that it was almost spooky.  It takes place in a small resort town in North Carolina in winter.  Josey is in love with her mailman and never leaves the house except to run her mother's errands.  This is her transformation into herself.  This is truly a Phoenix tale.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling:    Ok, you know I'm a Potter fan (or you should by now), so stop groaning.  I had to recommend one at some point.  This, of course, is the big 'romance' volume (though, of course, it is so much more than that).  But, if you haven't read the rest of the series, don't even think about starting here!  I've just got two comments on this one.  First, that kiss!  And second, this was the end of the "shipper wars" (do feel free to google the term if you're in the dark here), and it turned out just the way it was supposed to.

Bag of Bones by Stephen King:    Yes, a Stephen King book.  Yes, it's a horror novel.  Yes, there are some seriously disturbing elements in this story.  BUT it is also a romance.  I wouldn't steer you wrong.  This is a story about a widower haunted by the ghost of his wife.  It is beautiful.  It is painful.  It is ethereal.  If you like a little chill with your romance, this is the book for you.  It's an addictive read.  This book made me fall in love with Stephen King (after not having read his work for some years) all over again.
  

Lisey's Story by Stephen King:    This story, although not technically related, is the virtual flip side of Bag of Bones.  Lisey's Story is told from the perspective of the widow.  The writer is dead, and his wife is picking up the pieces of their life.  Here again we deal with the hereafter, and the strength of love that goes beyond the grave.  This story is intimate and powerful and, at times, brutally honest.  This is marriage at its most intuitive.